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Adventure would be an understatement
I thought that I might return home around midnight with mediocre tales of the antics of a drunken Columbian. Instead I had what might be the craziest night of partying I’ve ever had. Certainly the most unusual.
Columbian calls me at about 9, and asks where in Lexington I go when I party up there. I reply that when I “party,” I go to a friend’s house or The Paddy Wagon, a pub in Richmond. She confirmed that I’d never partied in Lexington, and then since I was still feeling adventurous, I said, “You’re the expert here. For the rest of the night you’re in charge, and I’m just the chauffeur. Just tell me where to go and that’s where we’ll go.” I would not have guessed where we’d end up.
The first place she took me was a gay bar. She said we were going there as a joke, but then I reminded her that she was in charge, so I think she was trying to call my bluff. I didn’t back down, so we wound up at The Bar Complex. It was the first time I’d ever been to a gay bar, and it was actually a lot better than I thought it would be. Almost all of the guys there were gay, but there were plenty of straight girls there. Everyone was having fun too, everyone was really chill. We had some beers and I saw my first legit drag show. It was entertaining, and I admired their courage, even if I’m not into dudes myself.
After we’d been there a while, one of her friends called from another Lexington bar, Two Keys Tavern, and asked us to join her. We got to Two Keys, and this place is the reason I don’t like going out. Bros and hoes packed like sardines into a place that miserably hot and smells like alcohol. The music is uncomfortably loud, you’re always being pushed and shoved and jostled, and everybody has a popped collar or more make-up than a clown whore. Everybody was drunk, and it felt like the house party scene in every bad teen movie ever made. I was pretty happy when we left after about 40 minutes, even if it was only because my friend wanted to go back to the gay bar.
Back at the gay bar, my friend decided she wanted to dance, so we went up a flight of stairs to the dance floor. She asks me to dance with her, and I start explaining to her how uncomfortable I am dancing. Anyone who knows me knows that for some reason it makes me feel uncomfortable to the point of causing nausea. I don’t know why, but I really really don’t like to dance. She actually listened to me, and was a lot more understanding than my friends and girlfriends have been in the past. She seemed to legitimately understand my discomfort. She also did a better job of actually getting me to loosen up. She took me to a corner of the dance floor, and made me close my eyes. She grabbed my hands and started dancing, and just made me keep my eyes closed. It helped a lot. After a while I was awkwardly dancing with my eyes open. She then decided I was ready for a plunge into extreme discomfort though, and told me to wait as she disappeared. She came back with a middle-aged gay guy, and introduced me “This is my friends Chris, and he wants to dance with you.” What am I supposed to say? No, I don’t want to dance with you, she’s lying? So I just manned up, apologized that I was such a bad dancer, and danced with a gay guy for a song. I’m comfortable with my sexuality, dancing with a gay guy didn’t bother me, but it was very awkward, and more so because he kept leaning in to tell me I was handsome. Even that would’ve been okay though, except it didn’t end with the song. Another gay guy came up to us just before it ended, and said “Come with me,” and grabbed both of us and starts walking to the door. As we’re walking, all I can think is “Oh fuck. Is this that guy’s boyfriend? Is he going to try to fight me or something? I’m not gay!”
We get to the door, and he says, “Oh you are ADORABLE. I’m Michael, a friend of Steve’s,” he nods to my dance partner, “Steve likes you, so I do too. We’re about to leave, you’re coming home with us tonight, right?” Whoa. No. I apologized, explained that I had to get back to Richmond, I had to take my friend Laura home, I had class in the morning. Steve keeps trying though, “You’re very handsome, and very nice. You’re a good dancer too, even if you don’t think you are. Let me at least give you my number” I felt like such an asshole, I felt like I had lead him on, even though I’d been thrust into the situation myself. All I did was dance awkwardly for a few minutes! I didn’t see the harm in taking his number, even if I had no intention of calling, and didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I took it. Then he asks me to call him right then so he had my number too. Shit. Didn’t think of that. I had no good excuse. I can’t say at this point, no, I’m straight, and just didn’t tell you guys before WHEN YOU ASKED ME TO GO HOME WITH YOU. I did it. So at some point in my near future I’m going to have to deal with that… I’ll probably just lie, rather than admit that I’m actually a straight guy caught in a joke at his expense.
We stayed at the gay bar until it closed at 2:30, but my friend was still not ready to go home. She says she wants to go to a strip club. She says Platinum Plus is open till 4, she wants to go there. We get to the strip club, and the place is not busy, which makes it more awkward. When it’s not busy the dancers spend more time talking to you, which makes me uncomfortable too. I always feel so sleazy in strip clubs. I know a lot of the guys that frequent those joints, ARE sleazy, so all of the girls probably think I’m sleazy. It’s not my favorite thing. I like a naked girl as much as the next guy, but I just prefer that it’s one that I know, that I’m comfortable with, that doesn’t get naked for strangers every night. That’s not to say that I dislike the strippers either, I can appreciate them for what they are, but it doesn’t do much for me. It’s like paintings or photographs of nudes. I like the female body, but it’s not the same as if it we’re a girl I’ve got a deeper appreciation of. Anyway, she started getting sleepy at the strip joint, so I took her home, and got home myself at around 4.
What a crazy night. Not what I was expecting at all.
